In Memory..

As hard as I work, as hard as I study and learn, as much as I want to do what is best for my patients I know that every last one of them will die.  Does that make my efforts futile?  Of course not. Promoting good health enhances life now, each and every day.  It helps us function well in our older years.  It is not my goal as a physician to make some live as long as absolutely possible but it is for them to live as well as possible.  There comes a time when added minutes and days do not add to added quality of life.  Even when we understand that a love one is suffering and lingering, it is still hard to say goodbye.  It is in these heart gripping moments when we achingly say goodbye to the ones we love that we grieve the most.  These goodbyes are especially hard when life is cut short unexpectedly.  Grief may turn to despair and even depression.  While we must go on with our own lives, I am grateful to have a day set aside to reflect on those who have passed before us, a time to celebrate the memory of their lives and the impact they have had on our souls.


As a physician in training, I always figured that as I became more experienced, handling the death of my patients would get easier.  Having now been in practice nearly fifteen years, I can testify that the opposite is true, it is exceedingly more difficult.  To sit at the bedside of a patient that is now a dear friend, look them in the eye and say good bye for the last time is heart wrenching.  To be someone's physician is an honor and a privilege.  I always hope to say goodbye with no regrets, having done the very best that I could.  


As difficult as it is to say goodbye as a physician, I recognize that it is immeasurably more so as a family member.  Even when the loved one is clearly suffering, their departure leaves a void in our lives.  My own personal belief in a God and of the resurrection takes the sting out of death to some degree.  I am not sure how I would feel without such beliefs and am grateful for them.  Dr. Russel M. Nelson, a notable cardiothoracic surgeon, now a leader in my church recently said the following, "If the body’s capacity for normal function, defense, repair, regulation, and regeneration were to prevail without limit, life here would continue in perpetuity. Yes, we would be stranded here on earth! Mercifully for us, our Creator provided for aging and other processes that would ultimately result in our physical death. Death, like birth, is part of life" (April 2012).  Granted, it would be easier if God would just take us up in a twinkling of an eye, but that is not the way of life.  There are lessons to be learned at the end of life, both for those who leave as well as those left behind.


I would, therefore, like to pay tribute to my dear friend, patients, who I have grown to love and are no longer with us.  Each in his or her own way has taught me life lessons.  I am grateful to have been their physician and hope that the happy memories of their lives will sustain their loved ones who still miss them dearly.  Happy Memorial Day!


Editor's Note: I would like to acknowledge Daniel Pearlmutter, a patient friend and professional illustrator who graciously offered to provide the art for this post.  I am thrilled that he has taken an interest in my blog and know that you will enjoy his work.